Baring Ones Soul

This post started as a return comment to "Anonymous". I felt it was important for me to say the following:

I need my friends to know that I am starting to move forward and I understand what everyone has been saying to me for the past almost 2 years, and more importantly the last 3 months.

Anonymous said:

"Hey Lar;

Nice words....too bad you didn't feel this way about your marriage breaking down oh so many years before and too afraid to communicate your feelings!!!!"

Let's just say.....It IS too bad I didn't feel this way during my marriage. I ignored all the signs, and I have only recently now admitted this to my ex-wife. I think it was one of the hardest things for me to admit. That I didn't fight back for my marriage of nineteen years. That I didn't fight back for the love of my wife, who was always there for me, and I didn't fight back for the love and respect of my two girls, now 15 and 17.

How does that make me feel now????? If you KNOW what was happened, then you know how I NOW feel about this. I fought back harder for the love of my girlfriend of 14 months then I did for my marriage of 19 years.

Now both are over.....I am ONLY NOW starting to understand what I have done, or not done, in both of these relationships.

Do I wish I could go back and change what happened in my marriage? YES!! But I understand that if can NEVER be that way again.

Do I wish I could change the way my relationship ended with my girlfriend? YES!! It really hurts; no it's much deeper than hurt, that it ended the way it did. It NEVER had to end that way!!!

So YES, they are 'Nice Words'.... But it has taken some MAJOR soul searching and time alone, and believe me I'm not done yet, to be able to admit what I'm saying here today.

I was NEVER good at communicating my feelings, I ALWAYS bottled then up.

Brenda.....I'm sorry we didn't communicate the way we should have as husband and wife, as partners.

Cara and Natasha.....I'm sorry for not being there as a Dad when you needed me most. I will be there now. Now is not too late to be the Dad I can be. The Dad you both need.

And to 'C', I'm sorry it had to end the way it did.


That's it.....'The View From the Penthouse'