New Beginnings

Today is Sunday, a day of new beginnings and energy.

Ken, my stepfather, passed away on Saturday, November 27 at 1am. Ken had been in a nursing home in New Brunswick for some time now.

There is a lot of anger towards Ken, but I am saddened by his death. I am sorry he died the way he did, alone in New Brunswick. We had basically left him there to die, at least I did.

I can't really remember the last time I talked to him. It must have been when Mom and Him were living in Cookstown....My that seems like such a long time ago now.

I wish I had a chance to say good-bye to you. I had put you behind me, when you were put into that Nursing Home.

You were my step-father, and you did bring me up during my teenage years. I have been thinking back to the times we shared and there were some fun times, but there were also some very deep pain. That pain will heal, I know that, but I still remember the pain.

I read Jennefer's letter to you http://jenneferdavis.blogspot.com/2004/11/to-my-dad.html and her letter has really helped me deal with my anger toward you.

Ken, I wish you Rest, Peace......Good Bye....

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry today for a NUMBER of things....

I have been feeling so sorry for myself since breaking up with 'C', that is driving me crazy. There are so many raw emotions there, and I am having the HARDEST time dealing with them.

I understand in my head, EVERYTHING that 'C' says and I AGREE with her, but my STUPID heart can't follow through on a SIMPLE request to not contact her for a week.

I'm am so used to talking to her EVERY DAY, either on the phone, email or online chat....I WAS smothering her... You shouldn't have to talk to a person that many times in one day.... But we did.....

I starting ramble on.......

I also sorry to my blog friends, for not keeping up my Blog. I visit each one of your sites daily and enjoy each one of your sites and posts....

I will try to be better on my end.....Both in keeping my Blog up.....and with dealing with 'C'


Larry

Saturday

Hi everyone.....

Just popping in for a quick visit this morning......


Well I have already cleaned the apartment this morning...I have gone down and done 4 loads of wash, folded AND put away!!!!

And now I'm getting ready to leave for the play, as we are doing two performances today.

I feel GREAT today..... It's a beautiful day!!!!!!!!

And I OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Love you all......

Larry

Tuesday...What a Evening

What started off as such a nice day.....When I woke up, I felt good about the new day, and I rode the 'bike' for 10 mins this morning. I'm starting slowly and will build it back to to the 1/2 hour that I used to ride every morning. Heart Rate was in zone limitations, and I ENJOYED it.

I even dressed more business like then I have in quite some time, I used to ALWAYS wear dress pants and a dress shirt or a smart golf type shirt, but lately jeans, cargo pants and tee shirts, unless of course a client was coming it.

So I was having a very good day at work, being very productive and getting on with the things at hand......AND........I was seeing Cara, my youngest daughter tonight and we were going to the the new Vaughan Mills shopping center to wonder about. My x-wife called last night, and asked me if I was sure I sure that I was ok to be going to this mall as its SOOOO BIG!! And of course I said., "I'M FINE!!"

So we walk this mall, and it's HUGE!!!! We spent almost 2 hours just walking the circle of the mall and going into a couple of stores....the Outdoor Store is AWESOME and the BOWLING LANES....Way Cool....then we had something to eat. I that time I started to fell a bit weird...pain in my upper shoulders, but I thought it was from carrying my heavy leather jacket for some 2 hours....some pain down my right and then left arm....a little bit numbness in my hand, left and then right....

Each one of these things is not much, but they started to add up, and me being me....I don't listen well to my body!!!! We finish dinner and then we head home....

The first thing I noticed was I couldn't find my car....that is NOT like me. I ALWAYS know where I part my car.....so Cara yells back to me....Hey Daddy!! you passed it 3 rows ago !!!!

We get in the car and start the drive back to Brampton, and I start to get the odd pain in my temples....so I just turn the radio down a bit. I drop Cara off at home and head back to my apartment. My arms are starting to feel weird / numb again and I have this very weird head ache, and I NEVER get a head ache. So I fire a shot of Nitro....Note to self....DON'T take Nitro and Drive!!!!

So I get home and I went to the computer and sat down, noticing that a few friends where on-line....I sat there, not really there but I was there.... I took a couple more shots of the Nitro Spray.....Come On!!!! Kick in you stupid stuff!!!!!!!!


I don't know much much time passed, but then 'C' sent me a message, asking how I was. It was all I could do to read and understand the message. I knew I was in trouble and something wasn't right. I typed to 'C', but I was having a hard time concentrating on typing. She wanted me to call the ambulance, but I didn't want to go. I HATE the hospital...

'C' asks me to please go, and I agree to call 911. I call and then she calls my cell untill they arrive.

When they arrived, I couldn't remember how to open the door downstairs....

so to make a LONG story short, I was taken to the hospital when I was kept overnight and released at 5 am this morning with NO SHOES or COAT. I had to call a cab and get home by myself with NO SHOES and COAT..

I should have asked for a phone to call either Jenn or 'C' to tell then what was happening, say about midnite or so.....but I wasn't thinking last night.....I have never felt soo detached in my life....My body was there, and I had NO control of it. I felt so out of control last night.

Well, the tests didn't show anything last night, that's the good thing, and that's why I was sent home.....However.....something is amiss and we will have to find out what it is.

I will keep you all updated on what's going on.

and thanks to all the wonderful people that care about me. You ALL know who you are...

Larry

Step by Step

I had planned to retire early tonight, rather then stay up later and play on the computer....I was all ready to call it a night at 11, I thought I would check email before crashing....

I'm feeling much, much better this week. I did ALOT of thinking over the weekend, and I was able to discuss some things with C and that was very important for me. I understand that we BOTH need time, and I will respect her request for some space.

I worked out this morning, I know it was only 5 mins on the bike, but its a start.

Step by Step, Day by Day things will get better, I'm NOT ALONE, yes I LIVE ALONE, but I'm NOT ALONE, and now that I understand that, I know I will be OK, and I don't have to be scared.

Tomorrow is Tuesday and I'm going out to the new Vaughn Mills with my youngest daughter in the evening....My oldest will not be able to go out with me this week....Perhaps next week the three of us can go out for dinner...

Well...Its now after 1 am, so I REALLY should sign-off and get some sleep....

Nite All........................

This is from a couple of weeks ago, while I was driving to Guelph. I was amazed at the colours of this tree. 

Sunset from the Penthouse 

The Changing View

First, I would like to thank all my Blog Friends that have sent me posts of encouragement and support concerning my health and my relationship with C.

You really don't know how much those posts meant to me......Thank You all again!!!!

It's Saturday morning, and I fell asleep on the couch yet again!!! One of my very bad habits!!

You see last night was the second night of our play 'Caught In The Net', which went very well. You can read Dale's blog for an account from Opening Night, and Jennefer's blog about last night, our Second Night. But I was very tried when I got home.....I'm getting some small chest pains, that when I take a dose of Nitro, subside. So, I must carefully monitor these pains, and if they get worse off to the hospital I go.

Last night I talked to my two girls, and I told them about the change in my health and the change of the relationship with C. This was one of the first times that I could recount the story without crying. I could tell the girls were concerned about my heart, I love them soooo much.

When I got home, I logged into the computer to check email and read up on some blogs that I have been putting off, and I noticed that C had just logged in. I wanted so much to talk to her, ask her how she was, but I was going to honor her request for space. Well, much to my surprise C messages me, to ask how I am doing.....We chatted for a little while and she told me she fell down some stairs and thinks she might have broken her wrist. I wanted to run over there right away and comfort her.....Larry.....Step Away.......

I still have to go to her house and put my canoe under her deck and get my bike to bring back to the apartment. C has said I can keep my canoe and camping gear at her house, but this weekend is still to soon. I think I understand this.

I don't know if C is going to continue to read my Blogs, in a way I hope she does.

I enjoyed our chat last night, and I hope your wrist is not broken. I will always be your friend.

The sun is starting to come up and the View from the Penthouse is looking much brighter this morning.

A New Day

Today is one of the hardest days of my life as I woke up....Not that I really slept well last night.

For those that have followed my limited blogs, you know that I have been involved in a relationship with a woman who I love with all my heart.

We have ended our relationship as "Boy Friend and Girl Friend" on Sunday. I have never felt so lost in all my life. Even when I divorced my wife after 19 years, I did not feel this loss.

I am writing this blog today to help me deal with this change in our relationship. I understand, after talking to her last night, that she needs time to understand what she needs in her life.

She asked me last night if I can still be her friend. I want to be her friend....Her best friend.....And perhaps on day in the future, if that's what the cards deal.....We can be back together...

I understand that she has to be the one that wants that.....So I will step back and be her friend.

Then I was at the annual cardio checkup yesterday and found I have a condition called Atrial Fibrillation. My doctor is very worried as they don't know how long I have been suffering from this, but I have been very sluggish and tried for about 1-2 months. I thought it was all the running with the play and everything, but nothing like this.

So this is a New Day

• Day 1 of a new friendship and whatever that brings I will accept, as I will always love and cherish the times we had together.
• Day 1 of starting to look after myself.....I love my two girls Natasha and Cara