Baring Ones Soul

This post started as a return comment to "Anonymous". I felt it was important for me to say the following:

I need my friends to know that I am starting to move forward and I understand what everyone has been saying to me for the past almost 2 years, and more importantly the last 3 months.

Anonymous said:

"Hey Lar;

Nice words....too bad you didn't feel this way about your marriage breaking down oh so many years before and too afraid to communicate your feelings!!!!"

Let's just say.....It IS too bad I didn't feel this way during my marriage. I ignored all the signs, and I have only recently now admitted this to my ex-wife. I think it was one of the hardest things for me to admit. That I didn't fight back for my marriage of nineteen years. That I didn't fight back for the love of my wife, who was always there for me, and I didn't fight back for the love and respect of my two girls, now 15 and 17.

How does that make me feel now????? If you KNOW what was happened, then you know how I NOW feel about this. I fought back harder for the love of my girlfriend of 14 months then I did for my marriage of 19 years.

Now both are over.....I am ONLY NOW starting to understand what I have done, or not done, in both of these relationships.

Do I wish I could go back and change what happened in my marriage? YES!! But I understand that if can NEVER be that way again.

Do I wish I could change the way my relationship ended with my girlfriend? YES!! It really hurts; no it's much deeper than hurt, that it ended the way it did. It NEVER had to end that way!!!

So YES, they are 'Nice Words'.... But it has taken some MAJOR soul searching and time alone, and believe me I'm not done yet, to be able to admit what I'm saying here today.

I was NEVER good at communicating my feelings, I ALWAYS bottled then up.

Brenda.....I'm sorry we didn't communicate the way we should have as husband and wife, as partners.

Cara and Natasha.....I'm sorry for not being there as a Dad when you needed me most. I will be there now. Now is not too late to be the Dad I can be. The Dad you both need.

And to 'C', I'm sorry it had to end the way it did.


That's it.....'The View From the Penthouse'

Relationships

Today, I was visiting a fellow bloggers site and they posted the following blog about RELATIONSHIPS. I found that I really, really related to this post today. I have printed, and posted it beside my monitor here at work and have read it over and over today.

I then posted back to Jen, and asked if I may put her post on my site, and of course credit it back to her. She said she would be honored, so here it it.

Here is the link to Jen's Site

It hurts to realize when a relationship is changing, when you are on the down curve of what once was an incredible emotional high.

I believe all good relationships happen for a reason and they take the course they need to take if we allow them. It’s listening to what the relationship is trying to be and allowing it to go where it will. It’s knowing that every one of them is distinctive, every relationship is designed to fill its own purpose. They don’t all have to be forced onto this path of what society says it should be, they don’t have to be on a trajectory to “forever.” They can be just what they are. You can love, yes love, and love for what it is.

People enter your life at the right time. Often, they can be just what you were looking for whether you even realized what you were looking for or not. You both fulfill a need within the other with passion and understanding. And what happens when the need is fulfilled? When you have done the growing that you needed to do to become the person you presently are?

With twisted tension we grow. Apart. We change shape, each the other and the relationship itself changes. We no longer fit like we once did. We claw at each other trying to get what the other doesn’t have to give.

You realize you have been chewed up in the machinations of the other’s raw emotions and flaws.

And you realize that you are moving apart like a train that is trundling along when the tracks switch and take it another direction instead of straight ahead. That’s when you readjust your course. It’s not like some terrible emotional tragedy. You simply talk it out and redefine your boundaries and rebuild your walls.

Relief. You can breathe out again, the monster off your chest.

What you are handed instead is a friend. A very good one.

I cannot give what I do not have,
and I cannot take what I do not have.
I can't take it.
Too many things held precious,
too many things held dear;
that's what I hate,
that's what I fear.
Too much to ask for
may leave me feeling lonely.
Too little leaves me nothing, nothing.
It's over, it's over, it's over
it's over, it's over.

[And then you realize perhaps it's not so easy and your face
crumples and your body shakes with dry heaves when you
curl up to sleep.]

(posted by Jen on Jan 24, 2005 @ 10:22 PM)

Thank you Jen!!! Those words are so powerfull!!!!

Larry

Is there Something To This???

I came across this in the Toronto Star today and thought it was kinda funny for today......

Welcome to Jan. 24, the most depressing day of the year, according to a British psychologist.
Cliff Arnall, a specialist in seasonal disorders at the University of Cardiff, Wales, has devised a mathematical formula that pinpoints today as our lowest point.

The calculation for this day of misery reads: [W +(D-d)] x TQ divided by M x NA.

W is the weather, D is debt minus the money (d) you earned in January. T is the time since Christmas and Q, the time since you lapsed back into your bad habits. Divide that by M — your low motivational level — and NA, the need to take action.

So it all adds up to the fact that it's a month since Christmas, the bills have rolled in without the money to pay for them, the weather is dark and cold and by now, you've thrown away the nicotine patch, which adds a sense of failure to your lack of energy.

Well there you have it, PROOF that today is a crappy day......actually I thought Saturday the 22 nd was the crappy day......My math has ALWAYS been off a tad!!!!!!!!!

Ciao!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday

Today is a very special friend's birthday. I know they won't see this or even know that I'm saying Happy Birthday, but never the less......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

BUDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday Feast

Appetizer - What is one quality you really admire about yourself? My loyality.

Soup - What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? You asuming that I have hair and use shampoo and conditioner. lol

Salad - Describe your favorite movie scene. You know, the one that just gets to you every time you watch it. hmmm....What day is it today??? This can change so easily based on my mood, but for ONE right NOW.....xxx rated hehehe

Main Course - If you were a veggie, which one would you be, and why? I would be cucumber....From the kids program Vegie Tails.....They is a 'Larry the Cucumber'!

Dessert - If you could take a weekend trip within 100 miles of your current residence, where would you like to go? I would go to the FallsView Casino in Niagara Falls.....and do the WHOLE PACKAGE......lololol

When it Rains.....

You ever have one of those weeks????

You think you're FINALLY getting ahead of the game and then WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With all the STUFF that has happened over the last little while.....

I was getting gas on Monday night and I was behind this GMC SUV ready to pull out of the gas station onto Hurontario to go south, which is the ONLY way you can turn from this exit. Then without warning this JERK puts it into reverse and backs up right into my front end...
B A N G !!!!!!!!!! I had left about 1/2 car length between us and I was laying on the horn!!!

So we get out.....My bumper is all cracked to hell, I guess cause it was sooo cold on Monday night. He's an older guy, late 50's or so and he all sorry....."I didn't see you" he said, "I didn't look before I stated to back up" I was pissed.....

We exchange information, then I went and reported to the police....I FINALLY get ahold of the guy tonight, and because he has NO DAMAGE and it happen IN the gas station he is now denying it.

So Now I'm suck with the bill...... I went and had an estimate done today......$850.00.....

MAN!!!!!! WHAT ELSE CAN GO WRONG NOW????

I could REALLY use something NICE to happen for a change. I wish I could get hold of my old friend, we haven't talked in so long and I wonder how their doing.

Oh well.....that's it from the Penthouse. I hope it doesn't snow too much tonight....I have a demo in Guelph tomorrow afternoon.

Three Things

This has been posted by lots of Blog Friends, but what the heck....lololol

3 Names You Go By:

Larry
Lar
Mr. Walsh (lololol)


3 Screen Names You Have:

lwalsh59 - MSN
lwalsh59 - Yahoo
Ranger905

3 Things You Like About Yourself:

The 40 pounds I have lost since Nov 1st
That I have 2 GREAT daughters
That I am FINALLY getting over IT

3 Things You Hate/Dislike About Yourself:

That it took me THIS LONG to get over IT
How weak I was
That I'm bad with money

3 Parts Of Your Heritage:

English
Canadian (New Brunswick)
and I think if you go back a bit......Pennsylvania Dutch lol

3 Things That Scare Me:

Not being with my two girls
Having a heart attack
Losing my self respect

3 Of Your Everyday Essentials:

Coffee
Blogging / Emails / MSN
Riding my Bike

3 Things You Are Wearing Right Now:

Black Dockers
Grey T-Shirt
Brown Short Sleeve Shirt

3 Of Your Favorite Bands/Artists (Subject To Change At Any Time):

Bryan Adams
DeFault
Big and Rich

3 Of Your Favorite Songs at Present:

All She Wrote - DeFault
Flying - Bryan Adams
Holy Water - Big and Rich

3 Things You Want To Try In The Next 12 Months:

Acting in a play - It opens on Feb 17th lol....does this count????
Go soloing in my canoe again
Track down a friend from 22 years ago and make amends

3 Things You Want In A Relationship (Love Is A Given):

Respect
Honesty
Hot Sex (Who wouldn't???? lol)

2 Truths And A Lie (No Particular Order To Keep You guessing):

I once weighed over 300 pounds
I am a romantic by heart
I want to move

3 Physical Things About a Love Interest That Appeal To Me:

Eyes
Smile
Their neck

3 Things You Just Can't Do:

Stop thinking about my two daughters
Pay bills on time
Not go online at least once during the day

3 Of Your Favorite Hobbies:

Blogging
Playing Pool
Playstation 2

3 Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:

Give someone a piece of my mind
Have a glass or two (or three) of Black Opal
Go on a vacation with my daughters

3 Careers You're Considering:

Can't really say I am thinking of changing.....

3 Places You Want to Go On Vacation:

Dominic Republic
Mexico
UK

3 Kids Names (Either Boy or Girl):

Natasha
Cara
Christopher Jordon (CJ)

3 Things You Want To Do Before You Die:

Earn my daughter's respect again
Go to the UK
I'll think I'll keep this one to myself for know.......

3 People Who Have To Take This Quiz Now:

Jennefer
Andrew
Dale


I hope you all enjoy this little quiz......Maybe I should do the 51 or 101 things about me next!! lol


Larry

Music

Music has always been something that I have enjoyed in my life. My tastes in music can change like the weather has done lately in Southern Ontario. It was 18 on Thursday and tonight's it is close to -10.....Go figure.

I enjoy all types of music; Rock, Country, Jazz, Gospel even some Metal.

I have also recently REALLY started to listen to the words of songs, lyrics are so very strong to me. One day I can listen to a song, and I will enjoy the song and that's about it. Yet another day I can hear the same song, the the emotions that are invoked can de so different.

Not long ago I herd the song 'Flying' by Bryan Adams for the first time, and I emotionally, completely lost it, and I just ball. That is such a beautifully written song; the part of the chorus that goes

• Lets just make love - all night
• Lets just hold on - so tight
• Lets make it last - for life

Is so powerfully and moving. It's so touching.

I also herd another song just the other day called 'All She Wrote' by Default. This is another song with some very powerfully lyrics. I want to post the whole song, but I won't because of copy write laws, however a few lines are

• Today was that day
• It was that time
• And that was all that she wrote for me
• You fell away
• I don't know why
• And that was all that she wrote for me
• Something's wrong with your mind
• It won't think of me anymore
• Was it all a waste of time

I want to acknowledge the artists that create these songs, that write the powerful words, the dramatic music that when combined together can invoke such powerful and at times overwhelming emotions.

Music, it can stir so many different emotions; Joy, Sadness, Happiness, Heartbreak.....

So as I sign off tonight, I'm listening to 'Everything' by Alanis Morissette, yet another song with amazing lyrics.

And that's the 'View From The Penthouse'

4 Simple Words

Today, I Move On...........................

Warning!!!!!!!!

I want to yell and scream today......

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

WHY YOU ASK??????


Because I WANT to, and because I CAN because this is MY BLOGSITE.......

You have arrived at this web address because your fingers typed a VERY particular pattern of keystrokes or you have been to my blogsite before, and you bookmarked the site because you WANTED to come back at some time.....It's not like you ACCIDENTALLY typed in this address.

So, lets admit it, you are here because you wanted to read what I'm posting, and I am very honoured that you would visit and read my site, and perhaps comment if you are so inclined.

HOWEVER......

If you don't want to read my site, why are you visiting MY blogsite.........


Thats the 'View From the Penthouse' during a storm.......(Its snowing out pretty good)

Thursday Sunrise - Jan 13th

As I was watching the sunrise this morning...Ok....Maybe it was just getting brighter outside, as it is very overcast this morning....I was wondering.....

Why are some people so cruel, mean and even vindictive to other people. While some people are the truest and best friends a person can ever have?

I know sometimes there may be a reason for certain behaviors, but sometimes these can come completly out of left or right field without any warning but most times there is some type warning, but only if you ONLY LISTEN and FULLY UNDERSTAND the message. This is the COMMUNICATION part that is so important in any relationship.

But why must people act in a manner so cruel and vindictive??? I don't think they would like to be treated in that manner at all.

You can be with a person for 19 years, 1 month, or even 12 months and you may never really know that person, untill one day........

Today.......I have stopped, smelt the Roses and now I have kept on walking...

I can't wait to see the view from the Penthouse tomorrow, and the next day.......I forgot how interesting and different the views can be......

And that was a 'View from the Penthouse'

Natasha and Cara at Dinner with Dad. This was a fun little night when the girls and I went to Swiss Chalet for dinner... 

Larry 

A Statement

Last week I posted a blog that I really didn't think would get read. But it was read and commented on. I then deleted that post, which I now wish I did not delete.

This is MY PERSONAL BLOGSITE. I will write things on my blog that I decide to write about. That is the nice things about Blogs. You CAN write about what you want and how you want, and if people don't want to read your comments, they can leave the site.....

So, If you are visiting my blog, Welcome and I hope you enjoy the 'View from the Penthouse'.

If you are here for some other reason, I would ask that you move on

Janaury 7th

Its looks like my blog will have to take a new view....

My main focus will now be my two girls Natasha and Cara. I have to let them know that THEY are the MOST importmant thing in my life and not ANYONE else.......

I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!!!